what if when you killed someone you gained their best trait
#you think you’re killing someone for their brain and you get their nose instead #you think you’re killing someone for their strength and you get their baking skills instead #you think you’re killing someone for their cunning and you get their ability to parallel park (via crazyassmurdererwall)
this is 911 state your emergency
YES I NEED HELP IMMEDIATELY I CAN’T FIND MY LIZARD
911 I THINK MY LIZARD IS BROKEN
YOU THINK YOU’VE GOT PROBLEMS? MY PHONE SEEMS TO HAVE LOST IT’S LEGS
911 I CAN’T GET MY PHONE OFF THE RECEIVER
MA’AM YOUR PHONE NEEDS TO BE IN THE UNLOCKED POSITION AND MAY NEED TO BE PROVIDED WITH ADDITIONAL HARDWARE TO FUNCTION CORRECTLY.
YES HELLO 911 CAN YOU HEAR ME I DROPPED MY HEADSET IN THE WATER DO YOU READ
TO BE HONEST 911, I AM NOT SURE WHAT MY PHONE IS DOING
911 MY PHONE IS FACING THE WRONG WAY AND I CAN’T GET IT TO TURN AROUND.
yes 911 hello all these people are crazy
this is still going around and it makes me rly happy.
This poor little guy doesn’t know that his face is going to melted off in less than an hour
"Should I have a baby after 35?" - "No, 35 children is enough." I LAUGHED SO HARD.
Well, they’re not wrong…
They have this outside the O&G theatre at work, made me laugh so hard when I first saw it
This just in: he’s figured out where the laser comes from.